reprinted with permission from financialnews.net.com.network.au.
Financial media is abuzz over recent news that Harrison Marktomarket – whistleblower of the famed Madman Ponzi scheme – has uncovered 3 new ‘multibillion dollar pyramids of fraud’ that could be ‘even bigger than Madman’s’. In response to the news, Yeti Bigfoot, founder of 10Foot Capital, released a statement to the market this morning:
“We remain above such implied allegations. The 10Foot Portfolio is strong and achieving outstanding risk-adjusted returns for our investors with zero volatility. We recently delivered world-leading profits to our shareholders and expect to trigger a quantum leap in our profitability again this year. Our recent IPO was a total success and we retain a laser-like focus on synergising the right outcomes for our clients. Marktomarket is a hack who wouldn’t know a profit from a bar of soap. His career looks like chewing gum sales after the invention of the mobile phone, which is why he works for a living and I drive a Ferrari. If he continues with his spurious lies, we’ll see him in court.”
10Foot Capital has been under assault from short sellers this year, who claim that the recent IPO and nascent investment scheme is a engaged in fraudulent reporting. Due to the lack of restrictions on naked short selling in 10Foot’s home market of Uzbekistan, a remarkable 1,700% of the company’s free float is currently sold short.
When pressed on the allegations, Bigfoot asserted that short sellers “are vicious manipulators of stock who tell lies for their own profit, which should be obvious to anyone who isn’t a complete c***. They should be hung, drawn, quartered, and then whipped and flogged,” he said.
The 10Foot Capital share price is up 172% so far this year.
This post is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person or organisation, living or dead, is strictly coincidental. Trust me.